


the things i have to see

by mcrhomo



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Late Night Conversations, Oneshot, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:27:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27569038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcrhomo/pseuds/mcrhomo
Summary: spencer stumbles home late and reflects on all he's had to see. all his lover can do is offer his warmth.(just a hurt/comfort oneshot i wrote to cheer myself up.)
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 30





	the things i have to see

Spencer comes home late, very late, to his boyfriend who just made him coffee. It was decaf, of course, and the lights in their shared olive-green apartment were dim and yellow, how he usually sleeps because it puts him in a nostalgic state of being that lulls his pain gently away.

At the sound of the key in the door, his half-asleep lover jumped and nearly ran to greet him, dressed in a sheer robe reminiscent of the sixties. Spencer bought it for him from the women’s section at Target and it’s his favorite article of clothing. 

Exhausted, Spencer melted into his lover’s arms as the latter pulled his messenger bag off of him. It was a rough case involving high-school children who all died except for one. He kissed his boyfriend and continued the embrace because all he needed right now was comfort. 

They sat on their old leather couch and held each other while Spencer began to cry. Whispering ambiguities, the other kissed his tears away until he dried up like an old peach in the sun and then somehow found more to escape his eyes. 

“The things I have to see,” Spencer said through sobs. “God, the things I have to see. Have to remember. All it takes is an off glance and their faces come back to me,” he shook. “All their faces. Every one of them.”

His boyfriend shushed him and whispered words of comfort but they were of no help. He understood Spencer’s pain, could not relate, but sympathized. It broke him every time this happened, every time the stress got to be too much and he had to see Spencer so transparently and hurt so bad. 

“It’s one thing to see someone reminisce on the past before they die,” Spencer said. “It’s sad, of course, to see anyone die, but -- the worse thing is to see someone hopeful die, to remember that just yesterday they were making plans for the future. I could’ve stopped it. I could’ve.”

“Spencer…” his lover said, running hands through his soft hair and kissing his forehead. “You’re gonna hurt yourself more if you blame yourself.”

But he continued anyway. “Only one kid survived. Can you imagine having to live through all of that and having to carry all of it? She was only sixteen,” he whispered. “Sixteen year olds aren’t supposed to go to that many funerals. Imagine you’re filling out college applications one day and mourning all your friends the next.”

His boyfriend couldn’t offer any more reassurance because he knew that Spencer was right. He crumbled completely at the thought of how broken Spencer must be after all he’s had to see but he could not empathize because he’s never gone through anything near the same things. So this is how they spent their nights, lights dim with the hum of the city around them and the agent in his lover’s arms, sharing body heat as the starless city sky evoked their vulnerability.


End file.
